Reflections of the past year...

2005 was quite the year, many changes took place. Some good and some bad. I can say with certainty I will not forget all that has gone on in 2005, and I can say with even more certainty I have definnately grown. Sad to say it took me to tell the age of 35 to find the woman I truely am. I would like to think I always knew, but who would I be kidding, not myself. Every morning I looked in the mirror, I saw the reflection of someone I did not know stairing back at me. A scary thought for someone who was so sure they could be whatever was required of them. A good wife, a good friend, a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good caregiver, the list was long, but I was sure I could do it all. They say" pride goeth before the fall" and I would have to agree... This past year has taught me just how much I have taken things for granted, and made me realize I have spent the majority of my life thinking "if only".... If only I were skinnier, if only I were prettier, if only I could do this better, If only I had more money, If only I had this, If only I had that....I have been so foolish and selfish, I rarely ever take the time to see what I have and be thankful for it, truely thankful....A good friend once asked me," when you are old and looking back on your life what will you see? will you see the chances you took, the opportunitys you didn' let pass you by, will you see regret, will you feel you where loved as you should be loved, will you have known happiness?"....At the time I wasn't sure how to answer.....I know the answer to this question now, it should have came easy to me but for some reason I realy had to think about it ...so friend here it is...I want to look back on my life and know that the only things that were important to me were faith, family and friends, and that I loved my family and friends with every ounce of my being, that I loved as I should have loved, and not worried if I was loved as I should be. I want that knowing in my heart that I gave all of me and held nothing back......
Every year I make those New Years promises to do this and that, they always end up being something stupid and not realy anything important like lose weight, save money etc. I never keep them, but this year my only promise to myself is to just be me, give all of me and hold nothing back.....