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I can't make sense of anything or anyone right now. I feel like this past year has been one big whirl wind of ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride run by a tatooed, nose ringed, greasy haired, pot smoking, toothless carney who refuses to let me get off. Me and my loved ones can do without the excitement... One family member has been hosptalised for almost 11 months and has not gotten any better and medical bills are mounting, another family member is having mental problems and is now in a mental institution, two marriages have been riped apart, a close relationship has become distant, and the list goes on to what this family has gone through. I'm finding it hard to deal with all of this, it's not happening to me, but its happening to those I love and I feel as though I have walked through it with them and have come out the other side feeling week, empty, and confused. I'm a christian and know that God has a plan for everything, but right now I feel like throwing my hands in the air and screaming "What the _ _ _ _"?, "Where is the grace and the compassion"?, "Do you hear my prayers"? I know its wrong to feel this way, but its how I feel, I have not lost faith, just having trouble understanding the Big Plan and feeling pain for those I love....
posted by Anna at 6:21 PM
3 Comments:
the world can be a mean place to be.we have things far too much for anyone to handle.but at those times the Lord says child Iam here and I care.I do not send the bad and evil that comes into your life."I send the answer,s.the world Anna ins,t fair or kind.but the Lord does get us though the things.He helped me see that the relationship I was in wasn,t working.He showed me the truth of who I can trust.had I been dumb year,s ago and gone to art school and not become a mother where would I be now.the Lord helped me make the right choice.out of that choice I recieved two girls who gave me much love and a reason to live and go on.you have done the best you can to stand by family and it is a blessing to all you touch.put this junk in the Lords hands and trust him to work it out.one day when you stand before the Lord he will say "well done good and faithful come into your reward.remember the Lord said the peace makers will have peace.thank you for your prayers and your love and all you do for us all.I love you Anna.
ANNA,
I think you are in great need of a little fun and a rest. I agree with Leann about putting it into the Lord's hands. That is all you can do. I have been where you are and understand your feelings of weakness, helplessness and want you to plz call me anytime of the night or day to vent. There is a special place in heaven for you. Your family is very blessed to have you in their life to help heal the wounds. In all of this, don't forget to take care of yourself. Do something that is just for you. Take a day for yourself to just do....nothing. Read a great book, get a pedicure, take a hot bubble bath, get a massage. It is not all up to you to handle the troubles your family is having. You need to say...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference. I say that prayer almost daily and it helps me a lot. Hope this helps and remember I am here for you and I love you like a sis and I am so glad we have been friends for so many years! You have been a blessing to me.
Blondie
Thanks girls, it is best to let God handle things, sometimes its hard to hand it over to him though, especialy when it comes to family, and you just want them to be happy. And like you said mom things change and you just have to learn to deal with it, I have never liked change. Its not always for the better but I need to just not worry so much and just trust God will work things out.
Thanks again you are both blessings in my life and I am very thankful to have such great family and friends..
Love you both very much.
Anna
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