I spent several hours today touring our community college with our son T.J. who's a senior in high school. I've celebrated 18 birthdays with him and for the first time I seen him as a man and not a child. It seems like just yesterday we were playing at the park, going on adventures and reading bedtime stories. Now were getting info on graduation gowns and invitations and checking out college opportunities. I remember the day we brought him home from the hospital a little 5 lbs. 8 oz. bundle of joy, I had just turned 19 two days before and thought I had a lifetime to love and care for him and plan his future. Now the future that seemed so far away is here and I'm not ready for it. Touring the college today really put things in perspective, he's not my little boy anymore, he's grown up and ready to spread his wings and make his way in the world and its my job as a parent to guide him in that direction ~the open door to the big world~ but I'm not ready to let go. I was told when the kids were younger to "cherish the time you have with them cause they grow up so fast", truer words could not have been spoken, the past 18 years have flown by in an instant. One minute your holding this little baby your very heart itself in your arms and the next minute your helping him plan for the future he'll have away from you. I wish I had a rewind button I could keep rewinding back to when they were little and never really have to let go. Is it selfish to want just a little more time with your kids? I know the Lord kept Eric and I close to our hometown all these years for many reasons but one being that we have many options for colleges and trade schools within driving distance of our home, so T.J. can live at home and go to college. So he can have his independence and still have that security of being able to save money and not have to worry about bills. Is it wrong to want to give your child the tools to make it on their own and not just push them out the door. Is it wrong as a parent to want that extra time with them to say the goodnites and give hugs and guide them just that little extra bit so that when they do walk out your door their really ready. I know it will be hectic for him with college and work but at least he's home. I'm so glad he chose a school close to home. Not sure what me, his brother or the animals would have done if he would have chose to go off to school, brute force I quess.....
